For obvious reasons, White parents of Black children stand out. Duh! Which puts us Black adoptive parents or Coloured adoptive parents at a disadvantage. And media perpetuates the stereotype too by featuring mostly White parents of Black or Coloured children. Hey, after all, the magic (or shock factor) is in how a White person could love a Black child, not in the act of adoption itself, says my cynical self.
Black people do adopt. I have to say this because I once saw a comment by a White mother… Let me back up. Someone mentioned how Black people don’t like that Black children get adopted by White people. This White mother of a Black child then angrily responded, “Well, THEY don’t adopt. So who do they think will adopt their children?”
I found that problematic on so many levels! I feel sorry for her Black children, that’s all I’ll say. I really do. With that attitude, the child will be taught to hate those who look like her. I’ve seen it. I’ve seen it.😭
Also, can we ask why most adoptions are by White people? (The pitiful FEW that there are, by the way?Last I knew, there were about 500 000 children and only 1000 adoptions. It’s not like White people are exactly jumping to adopt.) Most White people adopt because they can’t have children. That’s just the way it is. It’s not that they wake up and think, “Man, it’s a lovely day! Let’s go find a child.” It’s after years of desperation and heartache.
For me, that already takes away some of the us vs them mentality. What if Blacks aren’t as desperate to become parents, therefore when dealing with infertility, DON’T go the adoption route but prefer to remain childless? Not all infertile people adopt. Of all races. But it’s the push to become a parent that leads to MOST adoptive cases, not just love ONLY. Should we blame Black people for not having that same push??
Also, economics. Blacks are still the poorest in the country. They cannot afford to adopt. Period.
Let me say that again. Objective stats, and my lived experience show me that Black people are EXTREMELY poor in South Africa and therefore cannot afford to adopt.
And we know WHO caused this disparity amongst the races. So don’t come here judging people you pushed into the ground when they can’t raise themselves up. After all, you’re still stomping on them today. Ask the domestic workers and garden ‘boys’ 🤮who are still abused today. Look at my previous posts. And those yet to come.
No White person should ever condemn us for living what we had no choice in creating.
Also, why do these children exist?
Mostly because of poverty and ignorance. 😭😭😭 That should also make White people take a step back and look at our history. I am dealing with a young Black lady today whose mindset has been built by the old system of non education. We have a long way to go. We haven’t yet been freed. I marvel at so much that she says. I weep at so much that she says. And she’s more ‘educated’ than most Black people. The previous regime has a lot to answer for. A lot. We have been damaged. I am trying to think of an example… Things like social strata and hierarchy. Outdated modes of thinking that were brought over by colonisation still hold much water. The old understanding of what “success” is. It’s almost like a caste system that’s been implanted in our people. And I hate caste systems.
Blacks do adopt. Informally. And also formally -the Western way. But we also take care of each others’ children too. We take collections for our orphaned nephews and buy our nieces school uniforms. Instead of pointing fingers at people you don’t know, get to know some Black people. Get to know their stories.
And maybe, just maybe, there will be no angry us vs them comment the next time adoption between the races comes up.