Irrational Car Fears Part 2

So, given my history and the history of those I love, I submit yet another fear related to cars.

I don’t want to get into a car with my husband. I don’t like to. I am terrified something bad will happen and we will die together, leaving the children as orphans.

It’s not being orphans that’s the problem, it’s that our special children will need to be raised into and through adulthood by someone else. Someone who didn’t sign up for it at all.

Hmm, not that we signed up for it. We all want healthy, neurotypical children. I prayed for a healthy pregnancy, and we asked the social workers for a healthy baby, but it was not to be. Instead of raising our children to be independent, we’re thinking of how we will live with them forever. Do I want that for someone who’s not their mother? Will they resent my children?

No. It’s hard. You’re wondering how to understand your non-speaker. Sad about the one who asks why God can’t take her ADHD away. Thinking of daily medication for the rest of their lives. It’s a lot. You don’t expect to baby your adult children at all. But you embrace it because it’s not all hard. There are beautiful smiles and moments of connection that outweigh the hard moments.

And so, I get into a car with trepidation if both of us are in it and no children. It’s like something awful will happen and their greatest cheerleader and fan, the one who enjoys cuddles instead of sleep, who wakes up at any sound, won’t be there.

Praying for longevity. Not only for my children’s sake. But for their future guardians, be it the family friends who will be guardians if we die before the older ones are 18, or their siblings who care for them after they turn 18.

Here’s to peace of mind, no more crazy car incidents, and long life and healthy for all. You too, reader.

Is my fear irrational? Some would say so. Or maybe, pointless to worry. Pointless to avoid being together in a car as much as possible. Or choosing the safest time of day. But I think it’s understandable. I know how unpredictable people can be. And cars. And Jojo tanks! But I also know Who holds the future. I’ll suppress the fears and enjoy my life!

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