I don’t see an update post about birth mom🤔I was reminded because someone reacted to the post titled “No more birth mom letters,” and I can’t recall if I told you what I did.
If I did, oops! None of my titles suggest I did. If I didn’t, here goes!
The days after birth mom said she couldn’t handle communicating anymore, were hard. My husband replied to my telling him, with my biggest concern, “But what about our child?” That’s the thing, she is innocent in all this. She didn’t choose to be born, not choose to leave her family of origin. To deny her answers should she one day want them, is something we don’t want to do. We don’t want to add to the sting of what some view as rejection, by having her know she’s been rejected yet again.
But at the same time, I didn’t want to guilt birth mom into staying. She always had fragile mental health even before the pregnancy, to pile guilt and pain on someone already living with guilt and pain was also something I couldn’t do.
But I had to do something. So I prayed and thought and wrestled… Also, I missed her. I loved hearing how she was doing. I missed her.
I went into my photo album, and found a photo of her and I the day we pitched up unexpectedly at her home when the child was two years old-It was actually on her birthday. In the picture we are sitting extremely close to each other, laughing hysterically. I thought to myself, “I know our communication was recent. Let me put this up as my WhatsApp profile photo so she sees it. She needs to know that I’ll always love and cherish her. No matter what. Please, please may it draw her out.”
It drew her out alright! She wrote laughing at the photo! Saying it’s ugly and must go.
He he. See!? I’m not the only one who doesn’t want to be fat. 😉She lost weight since then. The fat photo was three months after birth.
We’ve been writing ever since February 22!❤️I asked for more recent pictures of her other child, which I graciously received.
So there we are! The photo worked.😅 Doesn’t mean her feelings are gone. But as she said, “Thank you for loving me even when I push you away.” I can understand her regret and pain. But, my first loyalty is to my child. If she ever needs to know more, to see her, I want to be able to say I did everything I could to do it-but without breaking a fragile heart. (Thinking of if I’d responded to her saying talking to me hurts too much by saying, “Don’t you think our girl will also be hurt!?” I can’t do shaming. It would be a true question, but not a fair one. And I could have never brought myself to do that to her. I’d have left it rather.)
I’m glad I didn’t have to leave it.