The Beat Of My Own Drum

I’ve realised that I’ll never fit in. Not when it comes to these Autism groups. One had constant Muslim greetings and the other…

See, I educate myself by following actually autistic adults. They happen to mostly be American. They no longer use terms like high functioning, low functioning, non-verbal or Asperger’s. The mothers in a Johannesburg-based group do. I feel like a traitor!

Most posts by autistics HATE Applied Behavioural Anslysis, which is a way of training autistics to behave in ways their mothers and therapists want them to behave. The founder of the mothers’ group I’m in used an ABA therapist to teach on potty training. My littlest one is not there yet, and my other one is only dealing with night time issues so it’s not relevant to me so didn’t attend the Zoom talk. I know if I had had to, I’d have listened with only one heart. MOST autistic adults have said it’s abusive, and many suffer from PTSD after years of it.

More importantly, I’m a homeschooling mom. Most actually autistic adults say homeschooling is the best for autistic adults. Makes sense. They aren’t bombarded by noise from multiple children, or colorful posters. The environment can be tweaked to suit their specific sensory needs, and the teacher can pay specific attention to the learner and their very specific needs. Their fellow pupils are also more under control. In special schools you may also find aggressive pupils or extremely noisy pupils. It’s HARD on the autistic person.

But the mothers… Not a single one has stated that they homeschool. For two weeks, I was bombarded by info on different schools, some even boarding schools. Even as a mom of neurotypical children, it’s not my cup of tea. Add special kiddies who need routine and are so different, then it makes me shiver. And some of the COSTS!! I do want to have special educational help for my special children. But only the help of a quiet tutor, one on one.

I don’t fit in. Their problems are more autism related. My problems are because of FASD or GDD (global developmental delay.) The things that disturb me the most are linked to my other girl’s ADHD, possible dyslexia and definite visual processing disorder and huge maths problems.

It was nice-for a bit. But it just emphasised the gulf between parents who learn from actually autistic adults, and those who don’t. And as one who respects those who so eloquently tell us their needs, describe their experiences and SHARE THEIR PAIN, I can’t do it anymore. I thought I’d found my tribe. But I guess I haven’t.

I need a ‘South African homeschooling Christian moms of neurosdivergent children’ group.

Where do I sign up?

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