It’s Too Much Now

I went back to try see if I’d ever typed the name of the surgeon who fixed my de Quervain’s tenosynovitis. Yes, there’s a reason for that. I believe I have cubital tunnel syndrome. Or something like it. And yes, I do feel like bypassing a GP and going straight to the orthopedic surgeon instead of wasting money on a GP but… Maybe they’ll have a cure for me?

Started in June. Thanks to my history with my tendon sheath -same side-I sent a text to a friend so I could note the start date so that when I see a doctor, I’d know how long I’ve had the symptoms for. Granted it could have just gone away, but this is my life, my body. Nothing just goes away anymore. So here we are.

I had tingling in my elbow when I bent it, a tingling that radiated to my baby finger. Google claims cubital tunnel syndrome aka trapped ulnar nerve. I don’t know. All I know is that it was June 10 or 12 when I sent the text, and today it’s bad enough that my fingers are almost numb when my arm is bent and I’m marking school work and holding a phone is uncomfortable at best.

Yep, doesn’t sound like it’s going away. I know both de Quervain’s and this are more likely in people with arthritis. But then again, I’ve had things that aren’t any likelier in me than in anyone else I know so that means nothing.

All I know is, something else is wrong. And as I went back to the WhatsApp messages to see if I could find the name of the surgeon who fixed my hand, I was almost brought to tears.

I saw how I couldn’t hold my newborn twins in 2019 because the GP wanted me to rest the hand and see if it would recover. I see myself telling friends and a cousin that I’ve given up, the pain was extreme and not going and that the GP had told me to find a hand surgeon. I see myself phoning office after office but not finding any surgeon. Then I went and he did a cortisone injection into my wrist, but it didn’t help.

I also saw texts talking about how the hand surgeon managed to find a day hospital to perform the surgery, now in early 2020 and elective surgeries not allowed, and that I hoped the ovarian tumour surgeon would be as proactive and deem it a necessity. We know how that went. Deemed elective and the thing grew… I’ll stop there.

I don’t know. I’m hoping this will have a quick fix. On my mind is the knowledge that I have a very high pain threshold. Upon waking up from hand surgery, the surgeon told me I DEFINITELY had needed it, it was a mess inside there.

I’d love to be wrong.

Just once.

I’d love to NOT need to find his name because I won’t need to see him.

PS. It’s Prof Solomons.

I hope I don’t ever need to see him.

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