When I Can Sing

I’m not sure… I have a friend who checks on me daily whos not happy with the way I sound. She says I’m still breathing funny, and she’s worried about the coughing and my poor sutured abdomen. I appreciate the concern and am also finding it a bit nerve wracking.

Nerve wracking because two people did spot that I wasn’t ok before I did. And again, it was due to voice notes. I’d been fixing the twins pillows and bedding, walked to my room, stood still, THEN sent a voice note. The girl (My friend’s daughter-currently in Malawi) told me I sounded like I had been extremely busy and was going to lambast me for doing too much work.

A different friend told me to stop sending voice notes as I sounded like I was using too much energy just to breathe and expending too much energy and she pictured me doing something ‘bad’ to my sutures… Like they’d maybe blow apart from the effort of breathing or something.

So now, here we are. Active bronchitis treatment is over. I’m still faithfully using my asthma pump twice a day, two inhalations each time… And my friend -mom of the young adult in Malawi-is not happy. “You need to get better. This is not the Thandi we know. This is not how you talk. Your coughing… How worried I am about your operation. And your breathing …”

Which brings me to my questions. How do I know that it’s the slow recovery the doctor predicted and not that my asthma is still not responding even to this new inhaler? How do I know if I should be patient, or if I should be going back and saying things aren’t going as they should be? How long is “a long time to get better?”

While I ponder this, I know that I can’t sing properly yet. And today I feel like I’m slightly regressing-a bit more wheezing than I’d been experiencing. I have four more doses of Duolin -to open up my lungs and widen the passages- and four more of Budesonide- an inhaled steroid. Prednisone all finished and I stopped Acetylcysteine because I don’t feel I have any stubborn mucus and she didn’t say to continue till the bottle is finished… Will see.

For now, I’ve started light walking exercise again, always aware that exercise triggered my asthma attacks when I was a child.

When I can sing, then I’ll know I’m well.

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