Sjoe. (An Afrikaans exclamation pronounced “Shoo!” It means “wow, hectic, oh my word, we heck naw.)
I didn’t even know we had an understanding regarding what should happen with children whose parents don’t want to/can’t keep them. I thought it was obvious that then you give that child to someone who DOES want them, and that you celebrate with a family that has added a child to the group.
I was wrong.
I’m obviously not Black.
At first, I thought it was just our relatives. I thought they were just plain evil just because of who they are in themselves. But nope, it’s apparently a general culture thing.
Well, according to some social workers who exposed one birth mom to her relatives. And another set who almost did expose a birth mom until the birth mom got a free lawyer to seek a court interdict against them.
What in the world!? Abortions are legal from age 16 with no parental consent needed. But adults who place their children for adoption are mistreated and driven almost to the point of suicide!?? How? The stigma against birth moms is huge. I’ve written about how one birth mom was in a taxi and telling her friend over the phone that her son had wonderful (adoptive) parents who were sending her photos and videos of the little one. Of how a passenger started yelling at her for “throwing” her child “away.”
Society is against the safe placement of babies.
Society is against the adoption of these babies.
The reasons are mostly cultural when it comes to Black people. “You’ll bring bad blood into the family…” “We can’t introduce them to our ancestors ‘cos they are strangers to the family…” And the social workers I’m referring to? They told family members and chose to give the babies to their biological GRANDPARENTS in the name of culture. I suppose so that blood stays with blood. Both these women in the article had hidden their pregnancies. Imagine the pain and humiliation of finding out your social workers had gone and told on you! I’d also have been driven to suicidal thoughts like the one was! How ‘lucky’ the other was to know she could seek legal help and to have found someone to do it pro bono!
These cases have been in limbo for years. The department keeps not granting the adoption of the one whose mom escaped exposure, despite there being an adoptive family that is raising him already! Same with the other baby. They are already with an adoptive family, but the social workers want grandparents -who have never visited the child or asked to see the child – to raise the child and so have not moved forward with the official paperwork.
We are sick. ‘Culture ‘ makes it ‘easier’ to abort your unborn baby even when it goes against who you are. Culture makes it ‘easier’ to abandon your child where it’s not safe but where nobody will harass you and condemn you.
If this my culture, then I’m not part of it. This is where my Christianity comes first.
God never forces. God just wants little children to be happy. And that’s what these birth moms wanted too.
Culture be damned.